A Chance at Glory Part 3

the final installment of the inspiring interview between Alfred Hopps and E.L.L.I.S. 3000, continued from A Chance at Glory Part 1 and A Chance at Glory Part 2...

E.L.L.I.S. 3000 with his coach moments after his tonsils exploded.

-Alfred Hopps: How did this terrible event happen?

-E.L.L.I.S.3000: Friday night, after watching the opening ceremonies, I met with Coach Andrew "Who Needs Livers? LOL" Ellis to further discuss our strategies for the upcoming weeks. We decided to ease our way into the weeks with a light start and to finish strong. For a good drinking warmup, we took our bikes on a beer run. Limited by our carrying capacity, Coach decided on a New Belgiums' Folly Pack of 12 bottles and a 22 oz. Dazed and Infuzed. With pictures of Fat Tire and 1554 on the Folly Pack, it seemed like the perfect way to start this year's Olympics. After the ride home, Coach decided it would be best for him to pace me at the start, so I followed his lead beer for beer. I tackled my way through two Fat Tires, a 1554, and half the Dazed and Infuzed with ease. Although I was ready to continue, Coach decided it would be best to stop at 4 beers on day 1.

On day 2, we were both ready to get back into the swing of things. I opened the Folly Pack and pulled out a beer. To my surprise, the remaining contents of the pack were Cherry Ale and Mothership Wit. Coach and I had been fooled by the poor packaging design of the case of beer. Cautiously, I begain with a Cherry Ale. Surprisingly, it went down quite smoothly and I was eager to down another. About halfway through my second Cherry Ale, my mouth started to hurt a little bit but I thought nothing of it and continued. Unbeknownst to me, all the excess sugars in the ale began to eat away at the lining of my mouth and throat. I finished my second Cherry Ale and moved onto a Mothership Wit with a cavalier attitude. The organic wheat and foreign spices brutally attacked my throat with each sip. I was almost done with the beer when a chemical reaction between the cherry juices, spices, and wheat occurred in my tonsils. I felt a terribly painful eruption as both of my tonsils violently exploded in the back of my throat.

It was the most painful experience of my life - both emotional and physical.

-Alfred Hopps: What you have gone through is, for lack of a better word, remarkable. Is there anything you would like to say to anyone who may face this adversity in the future, or to any of your fans?

-E.L.L.I.S.3000: If anybody from T.U.R.D. goes through something like this, I wish them the worst and hope they don't recover for months. To my teammates: just make sure you don't make the same rookie mistake I did. This is my first Olympics and I was too eager to contribute and did not think things through like I should have. Good luck to you guys and keep up the great work while I am out with this tragic injury. Should another injury like this happen to a teammate, I will be there with them and do what I can to walk them through the secrets to a quick recovery. To my fans: I love you all and thank you for all your support! I will be back sooner than you think and I won't let you down again!

-Alfred Hopps: Thank you Michael, and godspeed.

-E.L.L.I.S.3000: Much appreciation Alfred. Thanks for the opportunity to tell my story.

Progress Report

With a few days of heavy drinking Team Going for Gold has reached a total of 230 beers. The Team, suffering from the loss of E.L.L.I.S. 3000, have upped their total game, drinking an average of 38 beers per night, which is pretty incredible considering that each of these players have managed to hold onto their jobs so far. This total was collected on 8/13/08 and is representative of the teams totals up until Wednesday morning.

This totals MVP would have to go to...

Ryan The Chief with 22 Beers

A Chance At Glory Part 2

...this interview is continued from A Chance at Glory Part 1


-Alfred Hopps: How was your nap?

-E.L.L.I.S.3000: I've had a few unwanted interruptions throughout the afternoon making my current napping experience less than desirable. I'm no Casey Curbow, Professional Napper, this just doesn't come easy to me.

-Alfred Hopps: Casey is renowned for his napping abilities.

-Alfred Hopps: Now, before you fell asleep I was asking you if you had anyone you drew upon for inspiration. Could you revisit that question for me?

-E.L.L.I.S.3000: Yes, of course. I apologize for my abrupt exit earlier. Throughout my youth, I always looked to the Legendary Jesse Knight for inspiration. That man can drink like a pro. However, after witnessing Mr Knight vomit as a result of binge drinking earlier this spring, I came to learn that he is a mere mortal like you and me. This gives me hope that I can overcome this and find my true form. I am, with out a doubt, also inspired by my teammate Jungle Death. It is very heartwarming to see one of your teammates recognize when he has to pick up a little bit of slack for his injured teammates. I wish him the best and hope he can maintain such a high form in the week to come.

-Alfred Hopps: Speaking of your team, how do you think Team Going for Gold will respond to your absence?

-E.L.L.I.S.3000: I have yet to see the weekend results of T.U.R.D. but I feel like Team Going for Gold has already come out of the gates with cups a blazin! We have the right mindset to pull out a W in this long battle and I have a lot of faith in my team that they will do just fine with me cheering from the sidelines for this next week.

-Alfred Hopps: Now, if you could, take me back to that moment, that moment when your tonsils exploded. Can you tell me the emotions, the thoughts that were going through your mind.

-E.L.L.I.S.3000: I immediately broke down in tears, thinking I would be the cause of my team's downfall. I was nervous, scared, and disappointed in myself for being so foolish. I went to see Doctor "English Ales Only" Ellis for his expert opinion. After no signs of improvement Sunday, he scheduled an emergency tonsillectomy for Monday morning to remove any excess tissue and to promote a speedy recovery. The Doctor expects a full recovery as long as I have a lot of rest in the upcoming days. In the meantime I have had multiple meetings with my Coach to create detailed plans on when, where, and how much I will be able to drink again. All appears well and I have high hopes for the days to come.

-E.L.L.I.S.3000: wow i have the hiccups and it does not feel fun.

the conclusion of this in depth interview will be posted at a later date...

A Chance At Glory Part 1

A Chance At Glory
by Alfred Hopps (The Beer Olympics Reporter)

At an event that shines with so much glory and prestige it would seem that nothing could go wrong. Standing as a tribute to all things great, the tragic can, at times, go overlooked. While The Beer Olympics and its competitors are the icon’s of perseverance and dedication. Sometimes though we forget just how much it takes to get here. Michael, better known to his fans as E.L.L.I.S. 3000, has made the ultimate sacrifice in being here. During the opening weekend, E.L.L.I.S. 3000 was faced with the toughest moment of his career. Saturday, E.L.L.I.S. 3000’s tonsils gave out in what has become one of the great travesty’s of The Beer Olympics.

On Monday morning E.L.L.I.S. 3000 went in for an emergency Tonsillectomy. A surgery that will remove the now lame tonsil’s in order to give him his best chance of survival. This freak accident has been linked to his rigorous training methods, ones that would kill normal men, or to a lifelong battle with ear infections. The cause, however, has not been determined.

When asked about chances of full recovery in time for the rest of the Olympics, his doctors were hopeful, “We think with some much needed rest and a little support from his team and Coach, E.L.L.I.S. 3000 should have the chance to get back in shape.” He is lucky, an injury like this has been known to ruin careers.

I sat down with E.L.L.I.S. 3000 to discuss his situation, and his hopes of someday returning to the field.


-Alfred Hopps: This injury is by far the worst thing we have ever seen happen at The Beer Olympics. Can you tell us what you have done to keep yourself in the game?

-E.L.L.I.S.3000: I agree this injury is quite tragic - nothing I was expecting coming into this year's Olympics. I had some high hopes to set some personal records and even go for gold in a few events. But right now, I'm just getting some rest and hoping for a speedy recovery. In my down time, I've been working with my coach and have been preparing some rehabilitation drinking routines and I'm hoping to come back stronger than ever, soon.

-Alfred Hopps: So would it be safe to say that this little misstep doesn't worry you?

-E.L.L.I.S.3000: The doctors say I could be out longer than expected but I've always been quite resilient and quick to recover. So, no I'm not worried at all right now.

-Alfred Hopps: It seems like you are in good spirits, despite all of what has happened to you. Is there someone, something that you look to for inspiration?

-E.L.L.I.S.3000: Hold on one second, my mother just came home with some codine. (pauses to take some meds) Yea I would say that I can always look two whoah manf thiss druug isth preety quik. I theenk eye neeeeeed to sit down fer a witle bitttttt...

-Alfred Hopps: Michael?... Michael? Are you there? Michael?!...

-E.L.L.I.S.3000: (No response)

-Alfred Hopps: I’m taking my lunch break... we’ll resume when Michael wakes up...


-----PART 2 of this amazing story will continue later in the week-----

Injury Report 8/11/08

As we all know these games can be tough on the body. Sadly three members of Team Going for Gold were injured over the weekend. E.L.L.I.S. 3000, The Crowbar, and Downtown Kevin Brown.

The first to go was Downtown Kevin Brown who wandered off course and began to drink liquor on Friday night. This left Downtown incapacitated much of the next day, leaving him unable to compete. He is expected to make a swift and full recovery. When asked about it, Kevin had this to say, "It was a disappointing weekend. I got real fucked up drinking liquor at a club for a friends birthday, and thus was savagely hung over and did not get many beers in... I'm ashamed of my self. But I will make it up and with a vengeance!"

The second to fall was E.L.L.I.S. 3000 who's tonsils exploded unexpectedly on Saturday night. E.L.L.I.S. 3000 was rushed to a hospital and received an emergency Tonsillectomy Monday morning. More on this fateful story later.

The last, occurring on Sunday afternoon, was Tony, The Crowbar. Around 3:30 p.m. The Crowbar went on a mountain bike ride in an effort to force some of the alcohol out of his body from the previous day. In the middle of the loop The Crowbar hit a rock that was hidden by overgrown trail, sending him over his handlebars where his ribs landed on a rock just in front of him. This resulted in several scrapes on his forearm and the possibility of a cracked rib. When asked whether this would effect his performance, The Crowbar simply responded, "Well, it only hurts when I breathe or sneeze, and I don't breathe or sneeze when I'm drinking, so I should be good." He also mentioned his other injuries were very minor and shouldn't be a problem, adding "Chicks dig scars."

Opening Weekend Total

As of Monday morning, Team Going for Gold's total is at 155 and 1/2 beers, despite the huge blow taken by several injuries dealt to a few of the teams players. Downtown Kevin Brown and E.L.L.I.S. 3000 should be making full recoveries, more on those later.

and with that the M.V.P. of the weekend goes to

Jungle Death with 53 and 1/2 Beers

in the strip club wit 50 grand is all you know.

monday 08/11/08