E.L.L.I.S. 3000 with his coach moments after his tonsils exploded.
-Alfred Hopps: How did this terrible event happen?
-E.L.L.I.S.3000: Friday night, after watching the opening ceremonies, I met with Coach Andrew "Who Needs Livers? LOL" Ellis to further discuss our strategies for the upcoming weeks. We decided to ease our way into the weeks with a light start and to finish strong. For a good drinking warmup, we took our bikes on a beer run. Limited by our carrying capacity, Coach decided on a New Belgiums' Folly Pack of 12 bottles and a 22 oz. Dazed and Infuzed. With pictures of Fat Tire and 1554 on the Folly Pack, it seemed like the perfect way to start this year's Olympics. After the ride home, Coach decided it would be best for him to pace me at the start, so I followed his lead beer for beer. I tackled my way through two Fat Tires, a 1554, and half the Dazed and Infuzed with ease. Although I was ready to continue, Coach decided it would be best to stop at 4 beers on day 1.
On day 2, we were both ready to get back into the swing of things. I opened the Folly Pack and pulled out a beer. To my surprise, the remaining contents of the pack were Cherry Ale and Mothership Wit. Coach and I had been fooled by the poor packaging design of the case of beer. Cautiously, I begain with a Cherry Ale. Surprisingly, it went down quite smoothly and I was eager to down another. About halfway through my second Cherry Ale, my mouth started to hurt a little bit but I thought nothing of it and continued. Unbeknownst to me, all the excess sugars in the ale began to eat away at the lining of my mouth and throat. I finished my second Cherry Ale and moved onto a Mothership Wit with a cavalier attitude. The organic wheat and foreign spices brutally attacked my throat with each sip. I was almost done with the beer when a chemical reaction between the cherry juices, spices, and wheat occurred in my tonsils. I felt a terribly painful eruption as both of my tonsils violently exploded in the back of my throat.
It was the most painful experience of my life - both emotional and physical.
-Alfred Hopps: What you have gone through is, for lack of a better word, remarkable. Is there anything you would like to say to anyone who may face this adversity in the future, or to any of your fans?
-E.L.L.I.S.3000: If anybody from T.U.R.D. goes through something like this, I wish them the worst and hope they don't recover for months. To my teammates: just make sure you don't make the same rookie mistake I did. This is my first Olympics and I was too eager to contribute and did not think things through like I should have. Good luck to you guys and keep up the great work while I am out with this tragic injury. Should another injury like this happen to a teammate, I will be there with them and do what I can to walk them through the secrets to a quick recovery. To my fans: I love you all and thank you for all your support! I will be back sooner than you think and I won't let you down again!
-Alfred Hopps: Thank you Michael, and godspeed.
-E.L.L.I.S.3000: Much appreciation Alfred. Thanks for the opportunity to tell my story.
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